I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
