cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
