Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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