benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
