how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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