U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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