His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
