dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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