he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
