I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
