I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
