Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
