Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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