Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
