Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
