The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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