Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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