honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
