i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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