hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
