she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
