Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
