ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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