Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
