Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
