my mouth tastes like poor choices
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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