i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
