I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
