nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
