when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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