The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
