There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
