so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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