you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
