4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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