i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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