I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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