peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
