What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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