This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
