I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
