you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
