I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
