Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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