My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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