She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Come see our sink grown plant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
