Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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