Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
