Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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