Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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